I Join the DeviantART cause of a girl. A girl who i cared deeply about, but circumstances made it impossible for me to keep in contact with her. Then came the time when i was able to talk to her that i said idiotic stuff, stuff that i didn't believe were true, but at the time i believed it was the right move. Months later i sit on my couch writing this....this which i have no idea what its for...is it so i can apologise though it won't do any good as i hurt her beyond repair or is it so i can ramble on about the nonsense that's running through my head? The only thing clear in my mind is to apologise...i know it won't do any good, but i still think she deserves a heartfelt apology, and that's what it is cause i haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I am probably the dumbest man on the planet as it took me this long to remember how to get to this site....but everything that i say is true...my heart has been aching, has been emptied without her constant messages of love that filled it. I made stupid moves and for that i am truelly sorry, i had never really had a relationship with anyone else that i had with you. It was amazing to me, a wonder without compare. You came to know me and care for me though we never met in person and we were countries apart. I loved you, i still do, i felt a happiness when i was talking to you that i haven't felt since. My biggest downfall is that i never think things through. I say what comes to mind and i act thinking its the best way. This has led me here...it has led me to lose you and all cause what i told you i thought was the right move when i should have realised that if we truelly did care that much about each other that the choice should have been up to the two of us not just me. What i did hurt you, it hurt you so badly that i know your heart ached. For that i am sorry. I have suffer the consequences as i no longer find happiness anywhere, i have pushed everyone away, not realising i have done so and when i did i couldn't figure it out why. You were my first true love and will always be. The day i lost you i lost my heart as well. I don't hope to gain your forgiveness, for what i did can never be forgiven. All i hope is that you understand how much you meant to me, and how truelly sorry i am. You were my warmth at cold times, my light breeze when everything closed in, my light when i was lost. I hope you can understand one day how much you meant to me and how sorry i am for what i did.